Walk of Shame

Fresh off a one-month hiatus...

Coming off of Halloween weekend, I know the temptation is to talk about tricks and treats. But let me sidestep one cliché and deliver another. I was down in San Diego for that fantastic holiday, and was treated to one of my favorite twisted pleasures: watching the dreaded walk of shame the following morning. Girls hung over, still sort of still dressed in an uncomfortable costume, holding onto their shoes. Hair a mess, body language defeated, they are coming off a long night with an even longer morning ahead. On the flip side, guys dropping girls off at their car (who says chivalry is dead!) are at the other end of the spectrum. They are loose, excited, and ready for whatever the day brings.
So naturally I thought of the equivalent in college football, and thought the comparison worked pretty well. Take for example USC and Oklahoma State. The Trojans got absolutely whooped on by Oregon, giving up over 630 yards of total offense. The next day, you could picture the boys of Troy limping onto the plane, cleats in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Talk about a rough night in Eugene.
As for the Cowboys, their evening did not go as planned either. By the time the bands got warmed up, OSU was looking up at a 17-0 deficit. Zac Robinson, the conductor of the Cowboy express, got derailed early and often, throwing 4 picks. The final score (41-14) is far more indicative of the game than the box score, in which Okie State actually had more total yards than Texas. Bottom line is that 5 turnovers translates into waking up in a strange bed with a vicious hangover and a flock of seagulls hairstyle.
But that is the past. Let us look into the future, and try to predict which teams’ makeup will be smeared come Sunday morning, and which squads will be doing laps around the quad, high-fiving all takers. The two games that naturally jump out are Alabama vs, LSU, and Ohio State at Penn State. We’ll start down in Tuscaloosa, where the Tide had been a little soft in the past few weeks. Yes, they are still undefeated, and yes, Mark Ingram is still climbing his way up the Heisman ladder. But beating Tennessee 12-10 ain’t what it used to be. On the flip side, LSU has bounced back from the Florida disaster, and seems to be back in the right direction. This would be a shocker if the Tigers can pull one out. Even though Bama will probably sneak away with a win, tell Nick Saban to bring cab fare, so he can avoid that long, lonely walk back in the morning, just in case.
As for the Buckeyes and Nittany Lions, now we are dealing with teams familiar with the walk of shame. Just mention three little letters to Buckeye fans, BCS, and watch them shiver. Penn State, meanwhile, has only themselves to blame after bumbling their way to another loss to Iowa earlier this year. This game figures to come down to turnovers. In last year’s contest, it was a late fumble by Terrell Pryor that sealed the deal. This time around, expect Pryor to play better, and the Buckeyes to escape on the road. Leaving poor Joe Pa to wake up Sunday morning, fishing for his glasses by the bedside table.